Northern Memory

A friend and I wrote this little song before we visited friends in a Catholic community up North last month.

Up North

We were tryin to write some lyrics and we almost missed our exit

We scrambled for directions that were written in the margins

Scribbled down oh so fast

To avoid roaming charges

I guess we should have written them before we crossed the boarder

But we were too distracted as we tried to cover over

The fruit we weren’t supposed to have

And expired registration

Oh we won’t hesitate no more, no more

It’s time to drive up North

Where there’s piles and piles of snow

At least we thought it would be so

Up North

We came right into dinner to some overstimulation

A wave of a reminder that it’s not simply vacation

I reckon it’s again our turn

To apron up and do dishes

I’d like to grab the one with the holly and the ivy

A seasonal reminder of the joy you’ll findy

As you scrub the pots and pans

And then scrub the scrubbies

Oh we won’t hesitate nine hours was short

Now we’ve arrived up North

Where there’s just a touch of snow,

But piles of clothes

In the 'ole laundeee

But seriously we gained a lot of stuff here from the laundry

And if I scorched your shirt

I knew you would forgive me

You taught me to be family

And to find my inner beauty

You civilized us city girls and now we’re one step closer

We can set the table

And nap when we’re supposed to

Sanctification must be just around the corner

Oh we won’t hesitate no more, no more

It’s time to leave up North

Where piles and piles of love have filled us up

We’ll soon explode if we don’t leave

Up North

Thrifty Grandma

My roommate just gave me fabric donated from her grandma to use for my stuffed elephants. 

Her grandma lovingly packaged it in a turkey deli bag from the local grocery store.

Thank you, Jesus.

 

Noise Violation

Got an email from the property manager: Red Hot Chili Peppers blared at 11:30 pm was "Obviously a noise violation."

Like, I know...my walls shook. 

But I wonder if the composer would've been been named or the tone of the email different if my neighbor had blasted opera instead.

Translated from Italian and recited in a British scotch-drinking voice, the telegram might have read, "As the clock ticked toward midnight, a bombastic tenant had the audacity to assert his musical preference to the entire commune. The insufferable rendition of Jacopo Peri's inaugural score was most uncouth and is certainly intolerable."

"Any sympathetic to such pompous pollution should simply pack their pedantic wine and handcrafted ravioli and relocate to another locale."

I have no idea who Jacopo Peri is and can't name one of his operas.

Amen.

Dancin w/ Kids

The other day I felt inspired to move my body after lunchtime. I'm not sure that I've danced in my classroom at all yet this year. I walked in and just did whatever came to mind. 

There's a little girl in my class who has a permanent front row seat. She gave an externally processed commentary as I moved. 

"She's twisting her body. She's moving her shoulders up and down....What are you gonna do next, Teacher? Head, Shoulders Knees and Toes?"

Amen.

Dim the Lights

Tuesday night Aqua Zumba did not disappoint. The lights flickered and a man walked in wearing a tiger print speedo to swim laps. Just keep the bulbs dimmed, baby, and call it mood lighting! My, oh my…

I was also met a woman in the class who fractured her sesamoid…old dancer’s injury…just like me! She said we could switch feet and I’d not have to deal with the pain! What a beaut!

She’s also a teacher, and grew up Catholic.

What are the odds?

We share a love of Hip-Hop, so I invited her to my birthday party; unfortunately, she has a family soup party that night instead.

Thank you God for interesting people.

Amen.

Birds from heaven

My friend's grandmother in law told her family she would give them a sign when she got to heaven. 

"It's going to be this," she said as she raised her middle finger. "The third finger will be the sign."

The elderly matriarch died today. I  sincerely hope one of their family members gets flipped off tomorrow--what a gift that would be!

Country 'n Hip-Hop Mixin it Up

When a Country tune references a hip-hop dance the world gets a little more hilarious.

"Well the boys 'round here, they're keeping it country / Ain't a damn one know how to do the dougie / You don't do the dougie? / No, not in Kentucky"

My car radio settings are now: Country, Old School Hip-Hop, and Christian. 

Amen.

Chico and Nugget

Once upon a time there was a little bird named Chico. His best friend was a mouse named Nugget. Chico and Nugget lived in a big boarding house where lots of people came in and out night and day from all over the world.

Sometimes at night the guests would play card games and laugh and laugh. One of these nights, the little bird heard a man with a high throaty laugh named Chico. The little bird liked the sound it made when he called, “Chi-co, Chi-co,” so he decided to keep it for his name. He whistled it softly to himself that night as he settled in under the eaves.

Nugget’s scratching woke him in the morning. Chico quickly stretched his wings and opened his beady eyes to find the source of the noise. A mouse quivered by the doorpost and nibbled a split pea.

“Breakfast!” thought Chico.

Normally Chico would eat bugs and seeds in accordance with his statue, but today with his new name he felt bold and fierce.

The mouse was surprised to see such a small bird descend upon him, but the gleam in its eyes was undeniable: hunger.

Luckily, the little mouse had watched the borders’ exercise videos and he leaped nimbly aside. Chico’s inexperience drove his beak into the ground as he lay eye to eye with the mouse.

“You don’t want me,” said the mouse to the bird. “I’m just a little nugget!

“A bird of your might would take much more to fill; I bet you could eat the whole head of a sunflower.”

Chico’s curiosity was piqued and he rose to the challenge. A great windfall befell Nugget who ate all the seeds that fell from the messy bird’s beak.

A friendship began—at first superficial, until Nugget’s leg was broken by the banging porch door and Chico brought him seeds and sap to heal him right up.

“That’s a great story, Penelope. But if I wrote it, Nugget would never have got a broken leg,” said TANK, “because Chico would have eaten him in one gulp!”

Penelope rolled her eyes and lightly pushed her little brother from the stump he sat on to the grass beneath his feet.

“Nice plot,” she said, and walked off to find her journal.

Aquatic Entertainment

Aqua Zumba. Hilarious. The instructor dances outside the pool and simulates water resistance with huge movements like her limbs defy gravity. But then she can’t help herself and she shimmies till the cows come home and does a few booty drops. 

I’d love an underwater camera to capture these moves of the mostly middle-aged, older adult class… definitely prime footage for a gangsta rap music video.

My students just finished swim practice—I saw them in the hall in a quick confidence booster celebrity moment—and I’m glad they didn’t see me get down to songs I don’t let them sing in school. 

“Our teacher is HOT is Aqua Zumba class”…cause that’s fun recess banter, and pics might boost school website hits. 

“After a vigorous day of Latin instruction, our teachers burn off their extra energy at the local Y” …Latin instruction…hahaha…extra energy...oh my.

Lynne doesn’t like “land Zumba” because people can watch her. I’m thinking she can get as sexy as she wants under water, but she’s just self-conscious that she doesn’t know the moves.

I’m pretty sure the middle-aged black guy behind me wouldn’t care if he didn’t know the moves “on land.” He just wants to sing along and “git it!” “We work hard; we play hard”…. “BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!”

And the comfortably padded mature woman took her time as she climbed the ladder out of the pool. She covered her floral one-piece with a pink bath towel and just stood huddled awhile.

“I’m trying to get the courage to walk into the locker room,” she giggled. “Oooh, and then we have to go outside,” she shrugged her shoulders in delightfully endearing anticipation for the cold.

 I do make pastoral visits to local bars like other young adults, and recently I met a man who works for Comedy Central, and a guy who draws camels that look like dogs.

But I guess exercise classes and children thrill me. And Aqua Zumba, it’s just funny to say.

Amen.

Prayer for Good Humor

Prayer for Good Humor
by St. Thomas More

Grant me, O Lord, good digestion, and also something to digest. 
Grant me a healthy body, and the necessary good humor to maintain it. 
Grant me a simple soul that knows to treasure all that is good 
and that doesn’t frighten easily at the sight of evil, 
but rather finds the means to put things back in their place. 
Give me a soul that knows not boredom, grumblings, sighs and laments, 
nor excess of stress, because of that obstructing thing called “I.” 
Grant me, O Lord, a sense of good humor. 
Allow me the grace to be able to take a joke to discover in life a bit of joy, 
and to be able to share it with others.