Bourbon and Balm

Oh man I think I’m in love. Dirt under my finger and toe nails (still earthin it up!), goat milk in my face, fresh lemon balm tea floatin down my esophagus, and a sick summer thunderstorm viewed from the farmhouse balcony…today was a miraculous day. Thank you, Jesus.

There’s a simple joy to this farm routine. Alarm at 6:15, read a little paragraph about Jesus’ love, get dressed, Morning Prayer at 7, milk the goats, eat breakfast, go to Mass, then WEED!

I weeded at least 40 tomato plants today over a span of three hours. And my muscles got ripped! I also mulled over some thoughts that inspired me to pray a lot.

Before

After

My reflection today was thought control. Negative thoughts come in and I need to surrender them to God. Leave em like a bad relationship. And be lighthearted, thankful to God for present joys…which abound if I look.

The tomato plants were covered with morning glory vines—not at all glorious to the tomatoes, and surrounded by rocks and sod. At least four plants in the row were dead. It was hard work as I battled barefoot with my hoe the growth on the ground and weedy thoughts in my mind.

I ripped out those vines which choked the plants and yanked out other old plant roots three feet long. And then I fought with the thoughts that bothered me and whispered words of love and encouragement to the plants.

The farmer thanked me for my work and said, “Only someone who’s done it knows how hard it is.” That was true about the weeding, but I also thought in gratitude of the people in my life who have been where I’ve been, dealt with similar emotional trauma, and got themselves healed so they can help me heal!

I’m also grateful for a quote from A Visit from Heaven by Immaculee Ilibagiza about the Virgin Mary’s appearance in Rwanda as Our Lady of Kibeho. Immaculee survived the Rwandan Holocaust and forgave the murderers who killed her family. Her experience inspired her to share her devotion to Our Lady of Kibeho who appeared to warn Rwandans of the genocide years before it happened; Our Lady told Rwandans to rid their hearts of hatred in return for Christ’s love.

On faith and forgiveness, Immaculee wrote, “Many people have left their faith because a certain priest, pastor, church leader, or some other person of faith did something wrong or hurt them in some way. It made them question everything they had ever learned about their faith. However, Our Lady’s messages remind us that Heaven is real, Purgatory is real, Hell is real and that matters of faith are between individuals and God.

We are instruments to each other and if an instrument fails God we need to pray for him. Don’t risk losing heaven because of another human being!

Our Lady reminds us that in the first place we should seek to please God, not human eyes. We must lend each other prayer without losing our faith, because we are taking this journey together.”

Some of my negative thoughts revolved around people who had hurt me.

For some reason one statement I heard from a college professor stuck out in my mind, “Young people can’t think for themselves.” I prayed the last Joyful Mystery: the finding of Jesus in the Temple, and asked Jesus where He was in these words.

I thought if young people can’t think for themselves, perhaps they weren’t properly formed to know how to become mature adults. I’ve felt this lack of formation in my own past and it made me think that this woman had a lack of faith in the ability of young people to learn to think themselves. I also teach young people now and know how important it is to form them in the Truth, so they can think not only for themselves, but with an outlook for others’ good.

The finding of Jesus in the Temple reminds me that Jesus was young when He schooled the learned. Joseph and Mary formed Jesus, but He also had wisdom of which they did not know. Older people can learn from youth. Jesus also says unless you become like a child, you can’t enter heaven.

Perhaps it takes reconciliation with any lack of childhood formation to come to adult maturity. I think even adults need this re-formation through forgiveness of past sins against their formation as children of God, made in His image. I need to be open to this healing daily.

I also thought that the temple is my body and Jesus is there, just as He is in others I need to continue to forgive. God bless that teacher and give us both hope!

The weeds today were bigger than yesterday’s because it had rained, and I thought it’s incredible how weeds, like negative thoughts, grow overnight if they aren’t ripped from the root and trounced in the noonday sun/Son.

Someone once wrote that positive thoughts are so natural to humans, who were made good, that they flow right through us; negative thoughts, however, are so unnatural that we mull over them and think about them in an attempt to rationalize their existence in our bodies.

As my Zumba instructor said, I need to refocus on the positive thoughts…so I grabbed some to look at today before they left my mind.

For one, the Creator of the Universe made it rain! Not like makin it rain on the basketball court with jumpers, but like water actually materializing in the air.

Avalanches of water descended from the sky tonight as I sat on the balcony and applauded God’s thunderstorm like I was at a concert watching my favorite band. Way to go God – Yeah!

God made rain for me to enjoy. And for everyone else too, individually.

After the storm, I had a theological/philosophical conversation with the farmer who shared a time when God gave him a nature gift. He once saw a row of seven bluebirds sing. He said their reason for existence was to sing just for him – and his observation of them was his reason of existence for them.

He said some people believe “You’re here, some shit happens to you, and you die. Other people believe that everything has meaning.” He chooses the latter.

Over bourbon and balm (lemon tea), the farmer and I agreed that God created everyone and everything out of love for love. It's a daily work with grace to recognize this love, forgive and accept it. Yet there is poetry in concrete existence, and there is joy in childlike simplicity.