Walmart Run (Scoot)

There's nothing like riding an EZ-Shopper all over walmart and stalling out in the candy aisle.

And racing my handicapped friend who's a pro and doesn't accidentally run into the exit doorway. (Racing is actually impossible in these things...they go like two miles an hour and stop at inconvenient places like next to the peanut m&ms when you aren't even allowed to exercise).

Amen.

Boot jokes

 A middle-aged man with a gray-streaked beard, longish scraggly hair which covered half of his balding head, tinted glasses, and tattoos smattered on his right arm leaned over my pew at church this morning as he went up I receive communion.

"Your shoes don't match," he said, and chuckled to himself as he ambled past me.

 

You don't say!

 

I love it when people laugh at their own jokes, especially when they're funny.

...

I'm at the beach with my family for the annual bike race. 

"Let's bury your boot," suggested my sister... You know like you'd bury a kid in a sandy hole.

...

On Friday I bribed my students with games... "If you're really good, we'll play a listening game..."

"And if we're really, really good, can we pump it up?" asked a little girl as she gazed longingly at the red air button on my boot...

Amen

Joke

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To go to the other side?

No... To go to your house!

Knock. knock.

Who's there?

The chicken!

Children

"What was that?" A small flabbergasted boy takes an open book and runs, pages flapping in the air like a swatter, after a fly in my classroom. 

Nothing like a good run around the room after an attempt to read English words. ( hard language). I mean anything might have appeared undeniably alien and extremely intersting at that point.

I wonder what else it might have been? Well maybe an ant flying in a private jet... Or a government probe to see if I teach my kids the common core (which I don't). 

Another child had a runny nose. 

"Go get a tissue please." "But I'm rubbing it." Well in that case, my darling, go to the doctor and see if he'll put some z-pacs on layaway for me so I can survive the winter.

Later she decided the status of my boot at rest was more interesting than her Math paper.

"What does your boot feel like when you go to sleep?" ""I don't wear my boot when I go to sleep." "Well what does it feel like when you just want to lay down." "You know what it feels like?" "What?" "An extra leg."

Dear God, please carry me, or maybe provide a Segway or small private jet. Amen.

Yay God!

Yay, God! And thank you, Grandmom! A free massage. A free massage. A free massage.

Amen amen amen!!!

Thank you Jesus! Yay, God!

And thanks for the boot back on my (really...MRI proven) fractured foot so I can appreciate this more.

Amen. Alleluia!

Godmommy

Exhaustion got me and I took off from work. My friend contacted me and I told her I might never be a mommy given that I'm so tired all the time. She said, "Well how about a godmother?"

What a segway!

October might be the month of dreams. I'll get to be a godmother and then a maid of honor a week later.

Thank you, God.

Round Two

Child-speak highlights:

“It's not really fair. Why is there only an Antarctica and not an uncle Arctica?”

“I don’t get it. Leopards are cats. Why would he cure cats?” (About lepers)

“Everything is Awesome!” –a song from the Lego movie, which is interspersed with, “Let It Go,” and oldie but goodie from last year’s classic Frozen. 

Theme songs for the year...

Rent

If I made a few G's more a year I could afford to live in my own apartment right now. But I would never want to live in my own apartment. Also, then I wouldn't have met incredible people who let me stay with them. 

Like the woman who wanted to sing me her songs, or her child who walked into my room with buckets on her feet attached to the ropes in her hands. I also wouldn't have met the woman who's winter coat I donned when the air conditioning was so high that I was compelled to go into her closet and pull out her winter coat to keep myself warm. (I had to tell her about it in the morning because one of the buttons fell off while I tried to sleep that night).

God bless the generous people who have opened their homes to me. And please grant me a stable place of peace and quiet and sleep. Through Mary. Amen.

Back to school

Yesterday was the first day of school. And the little ones are at it again making my life more humorous and fulfilling! Thank you, Jesus.

It was recess time and one little girl wanted to go inside because it was too hot. 

"It's summertime!" I exclaimed. "We have to run around! In the wintertime it will be too cold and you won't want to go outside!"

She responded, "I guess wintertime is the best time for hugging."

A bit later, a little boy came up to me and placed a rusty paperclip in my hand. 

I told another teacher in the recess yard, "I bet that boy will be a finder."

Sure enough, about five minutes later he came back to me and handed me ...two concrete blocks. 

Wonder where he might have found those in our parking lot/playground...

Flashing lights are everywhere...

These days my guardian angel is that uniformed man who says, "license and registration."

I was pulled over twice for speeding this past month and given warnings each time. These were the first traffic warnings I've ever received in my life--despite many violations. Thank you Jesus!

The craziest tickets I received were when I accidentally parked in a new handicap spot that was inproperly marked. I was issued two $300 tickets in a half hour before traffic cops were supposed to patrol. 

I spent four hours in court for those tickets and talked to a lapsed Catholic who waited next to me. Miraculously an ad came on the TV at that time that said "Come home...to the Catholic Church." I believe in miracles... I also got one ticket taken away. Thank you, Jesus.

My most recent warning happened the first day of school. My guardian angel told me that in addition to the speeding violation, my registration expired and my insurance was due in three days. Got that taken care of. Thanks, guardian angel!  

Where's God in all this? He loves me when I'm tired and even when I don't follow the rules or forget to register my car.

And sometimes love is more important than laying down the law.